Why do we enter Relationship at all?
The reasons are multifaceted.
And the needs for an individual’s life fulfilment are varied and complex.
The importance of this consideration is large.
Why? One might spend valuable time and effort with someone you are totally
mismatched with. Getting clear on needs and value priorities, will help us decide
whether the relationship is likely successful and thus worthy of building.
Experts in the Neurobiology of Relating claim that the attraction to another represents the change or qualities you wish to expand in yourself. With the possibility of wiring these into our own behaviour.
Perhaps an unconscious desire to expand an identity we haven’t yet known!
Paradoxically, this often becomes a common source of dispute along the way.
Understanding each other’s needs for security and stability verses freedom and
adventure is an important conversation for couples to have, as it can help us navigate
how much time the relationship will be together or separate.
What each partner expects of the other for emotional connection will be an ongoing
conversation depending on lifestyle choices made along the way.
Having trustworthiness and knowing your own and the others capacity for commitment
will be important for building and maintaining any relationship.
With any relationship, the quality of attention you give through your presence has the
power to change most outcomes. Learning skills to negotiate the longings each of you
have and being able to open to the possibility of having caused some of the others pain will bring you closer.
Your investment in being a partner for the other seems to be the secret of success…its
not about focusing on getting your own needs met, solely, although that is important, it is the other partner being in your field of desire to make you happy that creates a
reciprocal desire and bonds us securely.
But here’s another thought!
Is it because we simply want to have a close witness to our lives so that our life will not go unnoticed, unwitnessed. To have someone to care about everything, all the time, every day!