How to revive a relationship through an effective apology!
And why sorry isn’t enough!
An effective apology is one that is complete. Here is a checklist of things that go a long way to having your apology an effective one.
Does your partner feel you have acknowledged them enough for what they experienced because of your actions?
Do I need to extend my empathy by further imagining other consequences they may feel?
Are you sincere in your apology?
Have you dismissed or minimised their feelings in any way?
Is this one part of a series of apologies that haven’t equated to change?
Do I understand that apology and forgiveness are not the same?
Apology is taking responsibility for our actions, by keeping focus on the feelings of the other person, rather than centring focus on your own feelings. Often, feelings of shame or guilt are present. These are valid too, but if focused on, minimise the others experience and shortchange an effective apology.
Forgiveness is a choice of the person affected by the unskilful actions. It is also not necessary for the effective apology. It may be that the action is never forgiven but the person is understood in the motivation of the action.
An effective apology is a skill of a mature adult.
Forgiveness is a choice and can be a source of freedom for a mature adult.